If you ever wake up in the ER and you are in custody after having swallowed a bunch of crack, you can try something a patient tried last night:
Step 1) Firmly grasp the overhead lamp with both hands.
Step 2) As hard as you can, pull the lamp down squarely over your head.
If by this time the light hasn't shattered and you are not unconscious, repeat steps 1 & 2 again and again and again until one or both of the aforementioned conditions have been met. The patient successfully evaded the big house and went to the psychiatric facility instead.
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